Career Asshole

November 22, 2005 at 9:32 am 1 comment

sunshine

About once every couple of weeks, I still have dreams about him. They usually occur right before I wake up and he does something deeply disturbing and symbolic. We were both living in a dorm but I never really saw him. Outside his room, he posted a two page letter. It was a personal letter to a friend, so if you started reading it, you felt like a snoop, and yet here it was hanging in a hallway. So of course I read it, like Alice eating the cookie. It mentioned me briefly in a dismissive way without elaboration, in a fragment that said, “like for example, Sara Sherr, the career asshole.”

I walked into his room. The door was unlocked. He was in the bathroom with the door open. I called out his name, and asked him what a career asshole was. He answered with a door slam. He didn’t reappear again. The next thing I know, I’m trying to catch him before he leaves on a train to Boston but I just missed it. Then I was trying to get a train back to Philadelphia and I kept missing them. The soothing tones of the NPR report on my clock radio woke me up and calmed my nerves. Even if they’re talking about death and destruction, the announcers voices are so pleasant.

Last week, I dreamt that he called off an interview I had with Jonathan Richman, which I would never set up in real life, because it would just be two people saying “goo goo ga ga” at each other. I never saw him or Richman, the messenger in that dream was my little sister (the dietician with the cute twin babies). She knows nothing of this part of my life and yet she was the sage dispensing wisdom the way she explains carbs and calories in my waking hours. The dream was so boring. It consisted of me wondering what he said to Jonathan Richman to make him cancel the interview.

Usually my dreams are like vivid movies about people I have never seen before with things I never see everyday like volcanos and spaceships and mountains and shit.

When I saw Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, I wished that the machine was real. Did anyone else share that demented thought?

Sorry to return to this tiresome topic. I’m trying not to let my blogging slip so I’m gonna write down anything and everything as often as I can.

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Entry filed under: TMI, Uncategorized.

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1 Comment Add your own

  • 1. fredricjoss  |  November 22, 2005 at 10:05 am

    I don’t know if I want the machine to be real. Sometimes scars are pretty. But occasionally, I get mad at myself for not being as over someone as I’d like to be.

    Reply

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