OMG

September 8, 2005 at 9:36 pm 10 comments

whores

One of my readers has requested that I return to talking about my boring life again. “You can’t abandon us,” he said. Well, even if us equals one reader, then Raised By Bees is here to please.

Okay, remember the time that Plain Parade got offered someone’s record collection for admittance into a show? Well now a nice young man on myspace is offering to give us rim jobs. We never expected anyone to kiss our ass, much less lick it. Not even bands.

Mind you, he sent this message to the Plain Parade account, not my account, where the pervy requests usually turn up:

I’m in Philly… I found your profile edgy and interesting… have a look at my profile and lemme know if you’re interested in a sexual hook-up (I give the best rim-jobs)… Peace.

The Buttman is a 32-year-old from our fair city, who thinks it’s funny to insert the word “cock” into Bush’s speeches. He didn’t seem to grasp that he was not writing to that kind of business (though we’d probably make more money), and, we don’t even have our photo on the main page. It’s a pic of the aforementioned April bartering letter. Perhaps it was the “swinger” and “bi” choices in our profile? In any event, it was the only time I’ve seen the words “rim job” and “peace” used in the same place.

In the meantime, all I got in my inbox was a friend request from a 37-year-old woman from Florida who writes poetry to her cats.

As a result of this post, I’m sure my spam will get more interesting.

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Entry filed under: TMI, Uncategorized.

Heartbreaking Dumpsta Horror Picture Show

10 Comments Add your own

  • 1. carolyn  |  September 9, 2005 at 7:55 am

    Isn’t “rim jobs for peace” the name of an important and hoary activist group around these parts?

    Reply
  • 2. mts  |  September 9, 2005 at 1:25 pm

    we had another winner in the plain parade myspace account today. i fwd’ed it along to you. apparently swingers & bisexual folks cannot read. now we’re married and straight! oh what fun that will be.

    Reply
  • 3. carolyn  |  September 9, 2005 at 1:33 pm

    i am bisexual and can read just fine. mebe i canut rite 2 gud, but that’s just cuz i’m not a swinger.

    i am torn–should we stop the hate or just change our targets? clearly, i am on the fence. tee hee!

    Reply
  • 4. Raised By Bees!  |  September 9, 2005 at 5:40 pm

    For the record Plain Parade is okay with all kindsa-sexuals. We just have no patience for the illiterate and the no-direction following. Then again, since I’m spoken for, I’ll leave the potential swinging to Maria. Oh and Rim Jobs for Peace is my new fake band name.

    Reply
  • 5. girl10  |  September 10, 2005 at 3:40 am

    hey..thank u for hollerin’ on my blog back in Aug. (Thanks is belated, cause typically no one reads mine except for solicitous machines or my friend kristen. So i just never check comments.)
    In answer to your question, i dont think we met before. My boss at my current employment who used to be your boss or something recommended your blog to me. can i mention the workplace in question on an internet forum? i dont know blog comment protocol yet hah

    best
    -deb

    Reply
  • 6. mts  |  September 10, 2005 at 9:26 am

    carolyn, i agree that our anger is misdirected. perhaps we should channel into helping the misguided souls. perhaps a very large and animated GIF on our myspace page that says:

    PLAIN PARADE (NO SEX)

    Reply
  • 7. mts  |  September 10, 2005 at 9:27 am

    also, id like to chime in on the sexuality thing — we are very pro-sex and whatever. bi-, tri-, uni- we like you all. but only if you can follow directions and read. there’s no room for illiteracy in the plain parade motel.

    Reply
  • 8. carolyn  |  September 10, 2005 at 7:20 pm

    i can read, but i don’t follow directions. while i am not a creepy sexual predator who wants to do it with plain parade, does that mean there is no room for me under the plain parade umbrella? much less room at the inn?

    oh, cruel world…

    life is hard. but PLAIN PARADE (NO SEX)? that’s killer. the good kind. like y’all.

    Reply
  • 9. mts  |  September 11, 2005 at 5:30 pm

    there will always be room for you at the plain parade (no sex) inn.

    Reply
  • 10. Marvin  |  September 19, 2005 at 2:04 am

    I wonder how much more stuff I’d get if I started offering sexual services.

    Strike that, I’d probably lose stuff.

    Missed you at the Dolphin last week. Hope you’re OK.

    Reply

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