Archive for April, 2005

Life Imitates Art Imitating Life

dillardandclark

This is Rob’s favorite album cover of all time. We’ve spent two full work days at Stupid and Crazy trying to figure out just what Dillard and Clark mean by an “expedition.”

After co-writing the only musical to date about the Strawbridge’s bathroom busts, the Dumpstas were tickled to read what the “Many Loves of Mrs Miller” inspired, which for those who didn’t see it, included a Bob Fosse-esque bathroom sex scene and a bust.

From the Philadelphia Inquirer:
Posted on Fri, Apr. 22, 2005

16 men arrested in sex sting at Strawbridge’s

Officers in the Citywide Vice Enforcement Unit arrested 16 men yesterday at Strawbridge’s department store in the Gallery mall on charges of prostitution and related offenses.

Sgt. Joseph Lanciano said officials from Strawbridge’s called police last week complaining of men having sex and exposing themselves in the store’s second-floor bathroom.

From noon to 5 p.m. yesterday, officers conducted a sting and arrested the 16 men on charges of prostitution, indecent exposure and related offenses. The men’s names have not been released

In February 2003, police arrested 11 men in the store’s bathrooms on similar charges. In one of the incidents, an 11-year-old boy walked in on two men, police said.

And from the more colorful People Paper:

16 men arrested cavorting

in Strawbridge’s men’s room

Sixteen men were charged yesterday after being arrested in the second-floor men’s bathroom in the Strawbridge’s store at 8th and Market streets, police said.

The men were charged with prostitution, open lewdness, indecent exposure and related crimes, said Sgt. Joseph Lanciano, of the Citywide Vice Enforcement Unit.

Strawbridge officials “reached out” to Philly cops a couple of weeks ago regarding the repeated problem of “prostitution and sexual-related activities” in the men’s restroom, Lanciano said. A vice squad was assigned there at noon yesterday and made the arrests.

Those attending the Equality Forum this week should speak out about the right to anonymous-yet-consensual man-on-man action in public restrooms. After all, as the John Donges version of Petula Clark said in The Many Loves of Mrs. Miller, “There’s nothing wrong with finding a fellow in the loo for a good time once in a while. After all, how do you think I got me first recording contract?”

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April 25, 2005 at 10:33 pm 1 comment

Girl, I’ll Refinance You

mortgage

I came back from Seattle to find another myspace suitor who is very concerned about my mortgage. That’s sweet.

Hello my name is xxx. I just got out the Marine Corps. and now have returned to my hometown of xxx. I am currently a Mortgage Banker at xxx and I’m hoping to network myself and establish relationships with different people. So take a look at my profile, and send me back a message.

I can assist you in many different ways such as lower your current interest rate (lower your payment), fixed second mortgages or lines of equity. I may even be able to refinance you current mortgage and give you cash at closing (for debt consolidation or home improvement) and keep your payments similar to what they are right now. Let me know, if your are interested even if you would just like to know what you can qualify for, it costs nothing for consultation. Thank You

And this is who he wants to meet:
IM LOOKIN FOR ATTRIBUTES: DARK, BROWN, CARAMEL, OR LIGHT SKINNED LONG HAIR, CURLY HAIR, OR SHORT HAIR AS LONG IS ITS LOOKIN CURRECT CHINKY EYES, FULL LIPS, AND A SMILE THAT CAN MELT MY HEART OH AND GOT TO HAVE A NICE FIGURE AND SHAPE…

I like how he spells currect, like Nelly, or is it Chingy? Next time I go to Twist, I’m gonna ask Amy to fix my hurrr, currect, right thurrr.

More on the EMP soon. It’s going to be quite a lot to unpack, as I have very mixed feelings about it all.

April 20, 2005 at 9:27 pm 4 comments

Wish Me Luck

Thanks to Tech Support Maria and Word Press, Raised By Bees has a new spam-free look. So now everyone has to register to make a comment. Maria the Blog Pirate has suggested the Raised By Bees have a birthday party on May 14 filled with celexavodkajams!

And now I am off to pack:

One copy of each paper, nicely double spaced, in purse and suitcase, as well as a copy of a Dumpsta video. I have to gather up my smartest modest outfits and my travel size hair products and my Donnas “Spend the Night” travel tooth brush and put them in my suitcase with wheels provided by Andy The Boyfriend.

In female rock critic slumber party style, I’m gonna room with Amy Phillips and Daphne Carr. It will be cool to meet people I only know through e-mail like Julianne Shepherd and Jessica Hopper. It’s weird to “know” people yet not know what their voices sound like. I’m more excited than I’ve been in ages about anything, and scared as fuck.

Right when I get back, I have a show with Edie Sedgwick and The Motherfucking Carolyn, who I am still in love with but have no time for paw slapping and brunch, which needs to happen when I come back. And then after that is where I make sense of a buncha records for my installment of the xl8or column.

After that’s done, I am free for endless brunch.

April 13, 2005 at 11:11 pm 6 comments

My Paper

<img src=”http://www.toothpastefordinner.com/063002/the-report-needs-work.gif&#8221;

It’s chopped down from about 4 billion words to about 8 1/2 minutes. If you want to see it and I haven’t already sent it to you, drop me a line at saraATplainparadeDOTorg.

April 10, 2005 at 10:15 pm 1 comment

Hipster Ho’s in my Hood

<img src=”http://www.recordsale.de/cdpix/d/donna_summer-bad_girls.jpg&#8221;

I guess the most interesting thing I learned from this report is that my neighborhood is considered “upscale.” I wonder if the girls partied at the McMansion down the street. Did they listen to The Smiths over brunch at The Royal? Drink PBR’s at Low/Dive? I think I have found my calling.

My own sex worker fantasies involve being paid to go to record nerds’ houses and yell at them and make fun of their collection.

April 8, 2005 at 6:35 pm 4 comments

Cuss All You Want, We’ll Make More!

In case anyone was confused by what I said about spam-filter appropriate comments, I’ll repeat my comment box post:

All the spam I’m getting is from diets and pharmaceutical companies, which I could surely use in real life, just not here. So the words that have been despammed are words that most people don’t use anyway, but might cause blockages of other words.

So like Peaches, feel free to write I don’t give a fuck! I don’t give a shit! Fuck! Shit!

Just don’t backtrack to poker sites.

Thanks!

April 8, 2005 at 5:59 pm Leave a comment

Stupid and Crazy Part 300

<img src=”http://www.michaelcarloneil.com/Jpegs/mariah.jpg&#8221;

As per Diet Tab’s request, here are some winners of the Stupid and Crazy sweepstake’s this week:

–Pissy gold wearing queen upset that she could not preview the new Mariah Carey album before it was released, i.e. physically in the store on APRIL 12. Then she went and complained to one of the cashiers that none of the listening stations were working.

The listening stations tend to baffle our customers, as they are not scanners, like our competition. (How I wish they were). They are old school pre-programmed CD players. Our store is too large and crazy and inventory too unwieldy to stop and open every CD for listening. And, I worked for an independent store that did this almost a decade ago and they eventually lost money as each one of the big conglomerates stopped taking returns on open product.

–Terminally bewildered Latino dude who really needed special help, more than I could ever give. He came up in the middle of my doing a ticket transation with a Miss Thing who needed to call all her friends on her cellphone. So while she was deliberating over her Kem/Fantasia tickets, I turned around to help Confused Man. I said, “Do you have a question?” And it went downhill from there. He took my flusteredness as rudeness while I was trying to answer his questions. He took everything as an insult, and I realized that I was in a semantics war with a stupid person. So just to move things forward, I said I was sorry, stopped what I was doing and showed him what he needed to see. A co-worker who I handed him off to for babysitting later asked me if the man was a junkie, because he couldn’t grasp the concept of the listening stations. “Can I listen to this?” “How about this?”

April 8, 2005 at 5:53 pm 1 comment

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